glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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