grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
