I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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