so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
