Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
