Just mADE A PArabola og urine
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize