I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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