Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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