Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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