So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
