we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
