so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
