so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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