1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
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