how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
