New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize