We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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