Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize