found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize