I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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