shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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