I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
