her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
last night I used snow as a chaser
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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