i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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