I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
