mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
