Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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