just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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