My cat gives me a boner
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
