My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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