the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
