I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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