and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
