There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
