I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
