Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
