i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
