I hate all girls vehemently.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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