I murdered the dance floor call the cops
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
