Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
