mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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