Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
