Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You made out with two different species that night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
