I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize