Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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