4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
