You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize