thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
