I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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