After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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