Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i love accidental penises.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
