The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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