I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
