I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
