some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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