so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
