Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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