You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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