she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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