dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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