I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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