You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
