my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
