Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
