walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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