Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize