I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
