I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
