im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
