Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Someone came in the potted fern
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
