As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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