If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
