And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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