I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You were trust falling into bushes
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
