and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
