"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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