I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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