Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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