Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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