Cold hands, warm shart.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
