I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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