I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
