I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
