I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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